Category Archives: Recommended

On Dating Apps

The profiles went live, and then the hits came in. They came, and they kept coming. It was exhilarating and flattering. You can’t see who has matched you, you have to pay for that, so after a couple of weeks of this, where I seemingly racked up somewhere in the region of 80 or so positive swipes across the apps, my nerves got the better of me and I paid up so that I could see who was hitting me up. This is tempting, this is the business model, you pay to see rather than leaving it to chance. It’s actually very freeing once you’re used to it and the subscriptions run out and you’re back to chance. Paying is a mug’s game. I don’t know why I get nervous about it, because I’m a grown man, I have gained and lost so much, the stakes for social failure are by now very low. I should not fear dating as I do. What’s the worst that could happen? (Continued on from On Getting Into Dating) Actually, I might try it, just to see what happens. What’s terrifying is the idea that if someone thought ‘Oh! Ideal! A soft-minded recluse!’ and […]

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On Getting Into Dating

“Enhance!“, I bark at the screen, having identified a low-resolution image which may contain the critical identifying data that I need to make my decision. The computer swiftly fills in the otherwise missing data using artificial intelligence, neural networks using advanced algorithms turning a grainy, poorly-taken photo into a vast bank of information, by extrapolating missing pixels, refracted light, data about the sensor that took the image, metadata, everything. And there it is. A high resolution image, billions of pixels. The make of the car, the year of the car, the trim level, the likely state of the car and how well it was maintained. I have what I need to know. I swipe left: ‘Butterfly364‘, who is admittedly attractive and likes travel, long walks and ‘the bantz’, has a decent car but doesn’t clean it with the correct agent for soft-touch interior surfaces. Also, she hasn’t upgraded her phone in a while, who even does that? Definitely a ‘No’. My marriage decisively unravelled in October of 2015, in tandem with my increasing unwillingness to spend the last of the savings on expensive but impractical shelving for the house that ‘we’ had bought and moved into not six months earlier, […]

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